Today, a past "work friend" of mine stopped by the house. It was on official business, technically. She had to drop off my W-2 that, due to some confusion, was going to be delayed getting to me by the January 31 deadline. I worked at my last job for almost nine years. The first few, I was based out of my house--first in Wrigleyville, then in Blue Bell, PA, then at the house where we currently live. Several years ago, the company moved from Northbrook to Chicago (really could be considered Rosemont), and switched the work-at-home policy.
At first, I was given a shared office, then a co-worker who was living in San Diego, moved back to the area and demanded that me and my office-mate move so he could have the entire office to himself. I should have known better because two years later, this same pushy guy became my pushy boss by pushing me out of my position while I was "busy" taking care of my father when he was on his deathbed. After the office incident, I was moved to a cubicle. From the cubicle, I was given an office with a window, but then moved to an office without a window. Then I quit. Not because I lost my window, but because of the aforementioned pushy boss. And in reality, I found a better job, but having a guy that didn't inspire me as a mentor didn't hurt.
When you are with people on a frequent basis, like people with whom you work, it's obvious that friendships are bound to form. There were about 70 people at my last job. I wasn't friends with all of them, but many I considered more than just co-workers. You see each other virtually on a daily basis, have meetings together, eat lunch together, travel together, celebrate holidays together, baby showers together, wedding showers together, birthdays together, share tragedies together. At times, it feels like you spend more time with people at work than your family and friends at home.
Nine years is a long time to be at a job; these days maybe. My dad was at his job for 35 years. When he died, I met a bunch of people he worked with. People who shared stories about him that amazed me. About how funny he was or how much of a prankster he was. That wasn't the guy I knew. Especially when it came to his job. He made it seem like he hated his job and that he didn't especially care for or need the people around him. Not true, at least according to a few.
I guess that's my point. I spent a lot of time with the people at my last job. It was hard to leave, I thought, because of them. But, if you peel back the onion, wipe away the tears, realization sets in. Not too long after I left. It hit me, as I sat on my new boss' front porch, drinking a glass of beer, relaxing after a good old fashion ass-whipping on the tennis court (mine being the one that was defeated), waiting to go inside his house and have dinner with him and his wife--two days after I started the job: I may have never really been "friends" with everyone at work like I thought I was. I never once had dinner at my boss' house (I had four in nine years) or at the house of any of my work "friends." I never once played tennis with my boss (I did play beach volleyball once, but was ridiculed and laughed at for years to come because of my bad skills). I never really went out with anyone from work outside of the aforementioned lunches, trips, or celebrations. That's sad. Truly sad.
It wasn't all that bad, I guess, but there was an effort that was needed to be made to make the connections more real than they really were. Is that friendship, really?
I started a holiday party three years ago at our house. At the time, it was for my employees. I had a staff of five at the time and thought it would be nice to have everyone over. And it was nice. People brought food, drinks, exchanged presents. We ate, drank, laughed, talked about doing it again the following year, which I did even though I wasn't a "boss" anymore. I did it again this past year too. Although a few people who came previously, had other plans and couldn't make it. I get it now. I'm lower on the priority because I'm not part of the mix anymore. I left.
I took another direction...not better, just different.
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