Love at first sight

I like to tell people that my wife knew she loved me and knew she would marry me when she was eight years old. That’s second grade. You see, I was in sixth grade and we attended the same grammar school, Adlai E. Stevenson. In fact, we grew up about a quarter mile away from each other. I was in a ranch style home on Racine Circle and she was in a split level on Alabama Lane. You had to cross a busy street to get from my section to hers. At the time, it was only a two lane road, but it has since expanded. It didn’t really matter, though because if I did cross the street to get to her section, it wasn’t to visit her. I was friends with her neighbor, Dave. I didn’t even know my wife existed at the time, but she knew me.

When my wife fell in love with me, it was the spring of 1982. I was in love with Miss Donovan, one of the fourth grade teachers. I even asked her out on a date and was seriously confused when she rejected me.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” I asked.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend. But we can be friends.”

“Can I be your boyfriend?”

“You can’t. I’m much too old for you and I’m a teacher. It just wouldn’t work out, sweetie.”

When she called me sweetie, I held onto that for days. Miss Donovan was helping me and my friend, Derek Freedman, rehearse for the upcoming school talent show. Derek and I were going to reenact a musical scene from “The Blues Brothers.”

Derek was my replacement brother. He was my second Darrin Stephens, if you will. I originally auditioned for the talent show with Tony James. He and I were best friends. I was going to be Jake and he was going to be Elwood.

During the audition, which we never really rehearsed for, I shocked everyone—including myself—with my singing and dancing. Since Karaoke machines were yet to be invented, Tony and I sang along with a record that played in the background. I performed and Tony just kind of shuffled his feet from side to side all awkwardly and everything.

The song we used was “Do You Love Me?” from The Blues Brothers’ third album “Made in America.” It was fantastic. I knew all of the words. I made up an impromptu dance to go along with everything. I had no need for Tony, but I couldn’t be a Blues Brother without a sidekick.
When we were selected to be a part of the talent show, Tony and I got into an argument about the audition.

“I looked like a jerk,” he said. “You took over everything. I quit!”

“Good!” I shouted back.

“And I don’t want to be your friend anymore either!”

I was immediately less concerned about my friendship with Tony as I was finding a replacement for him. And quickly,

Derek Freedman was the obvious choice. While it meant that I had to change rolls because he was short and chubby, I was relieved when he accepted my phone invitation to be in the show.
I treated the whole discussion like I was doing him the favor.

“You should really do this,” I said. “Think about all of the attention we’re going to get. We will be up on the stage in front of the whole school pretending to be the two coolest guys around.”

John Belushi had just died a few weeks prior to the talent show. Tribute Blues Brothers were popping up everywhere on TV. People loved Belushi and Aykroyd and we were going to be them.

“But I can’t sing or dance,” Derek said.

“Who cares? The music will be playing in the background. All we really have to do is dance around and move our lips.”

While I fully intended on having us learn all the words to a new song and figure out a way to come up with a dance routine, I didn’t want to scare Derek off. So I “took the liberty of bullshitting him, okay?”

Every day after school, Derek and I rehearsed a routine with Miss Donovan. She suggested we walk out on stage to the “Peter Gunn Theme.” I would carry a briefcase out with me and Derek would spin a key and chain. He would then pretend to unlock the case for me. I would open the case to reveal a harmonica. Miss Donovan choreographed a dance routine to “Gimmie Some Lovin.” It was brilliant.

We practiced every day, singing and dancing, and we worked real hard to get it right.
The day of the talent show, the entire student body was there in the gym. Each class entered the room and was seated on the gym floor. The youngest kids sat in the front. Each progressive class sat behind the other. That meant my wife was situated in about the middle of the gym.

Derek and I performed our routine flawlessly. We had a dry run the night before for the parents and family members of everyone in the show. When we finished, everyone cheered, screamed, clapped and whistled.

It was then, I like to say, that my wife gazed up at me and thought to herself, I’m gonna marry that boy someday.