Rights and lefts

There's also a downside to living in the town where I grew up. Especially when bad things happen. Like when your father dies in the local hospital. It's been two years, but walking through the halls of Alexian Brothers hospital, brings back the memories as if they are fresh.

My mother-in-law was admitted today for a battery of tests. She was experiencing some leg numbness and pain, so her doctor told her to go to the ER. She sat there from 10am until about 7pm, leaving the room only to take tests. Throughput at hospitals stinks, but that's another issue. I flew back from Baltimore today, a couple of hours late due to weather and mechanical problems, When I landed, Cyndi told me she was going to head over to the hospital to see her mom. I was glad that she was going without me because I didn't want to go there. Not because I didn't want to see my mother-in-law, but because I knew she was still in the ER. I mentioned this to Cyndi and she completely understood.

As the cab approached my exit on Route 53, I realized that I forgot to bring my keys. We took a right turn instead of a left. I walked out of the cab and saw the doors to the hospital. I was immediately brought back to the day the last time Lily and I saw my dad in a semi-conscious state. He was in the ER a couple of hours before the doctors told me that they had to put him back on the ventilator. The next week, I walked the halls what seemed like hundred of times.

It was the very spot I stood today.

I felt my dad's presence on the way to the elevator. He spent his last days in the ICU; a right instead of a left. He took his last breath in a room on the 1st floor, surrounded by his children, their wives, and his ex-wife.

My mother-in-law is on the 3rd floor. She's in a room with a confused older adult; one who has no idea where she is at or why she is in a strange bed. Walking into the room, reminded me of the six weeks we spent in and out of hospitals.

Scared, sad, optimistic, devastated.

I'm not sad after the visit at the hospital. I'm not sure if I should be. Maybe is closure. Maybe it's growth. Maybe it's adapting to what is reality.

Maybe it's life.