Mr. Six Can Kiss My Grits

I've told my family that, in the future, they can skip inviting me to join them. I used to enjoy going to amusement parks. In fact, I'd get really excited whenever the prospect of going to one came up. I didn't ride my first roller coaster until I was in junior high school. I was scared of speed. When I was a kid, the carnies used to find their way to Elk Grove Village every year during the 4th of July holiday. We'd go to the festival at least once, and I would always consider going on one of the fast rides. But I would always chicken out.

I did get up the courage to ride the Tilt-O-Whirl once when I was about nine or ten. It scared the crap out of me. All of the spinning and speed, and all of the laughter coming from my brothers was just too much for me to take. It would take another few years before I would make another attempt.

Most people who live in this area have probably gone to Six Flags Great America at least once. Most people, if they've gone, might claim that The Whizzer is the first roller coaster they have ever experienced. It was my first coaster, it was Cyndi's first coaster, it was even Frederic's first coaster. If it wasn't for the extremely long lines yesterday, it would have also been Lily's first coaster.

I don't think I have the patience for long lines at amusement parks anymore. They've got this Flash Pass thing, where if you pay an extra $22, you can skip the lines and go straight to the front. Novel idea, but for a family of four, that's another $88. Ouch.

We went to Great America yesterday, where the slogan of the parent company is "Six Flags, More Fun." I give it one flag, at best. I can't imagine why people keep going back. We were able to experience a total of five rides in eight hours. FIVE RIDES. That's ridiculous. Each popular attraction was at least a 60 minute wait; many were 90. There's no way anyone can go on a ride more than once.

I guess, the older I get, the less patient I am with things like this. I'm all for having fun with the family, but I want to feel like we are bonding, like we are really having fun. We've been to a couple of amusement parks over the years that we enjoyed. Silver Dollar City, in Branson, MO, is a great place. They cater to families, and make sure the kids really enjoy themselves. Tivoli in Copenhagen was nice too. A full amusement park in the middle of a big city. Who can complain about that? We've also been to Cedar Point in Ohio. That was fun because they have a ton of roller coasters. But the kids were pretty young when we went; not tall enough for some of the bigger rides.

I think companies like Six Flags should take a look at revamping themselves. They should consider adding values to their mission statements. They should realize that they are in the business to amuse people. All I got out of the experience was a pain in my lower back, and a memory I hope gets erased with age.