Pickles and a TV

My parents loved to throw parties. When they had our basement finished, they designed it to resemble a fancy discothèque, complete with a fully stocked bar, dance floor with strobe lights, a professional sized pool table and a state-of-the art entertainment system with a large projection screen TV. It was the envy of all of our neighbors.

When I turned 13, my mother insisted that I have a Bar Mitzvah ceremony. Most boys, when preparing for this pivotal event, study the tenets of the religion. As I now understand the modern day ritual, it is most common for the celebrant to recite that week’s torah portion, including its traditional chant. In some congregations, the celebrant reads the entire weekly torah, or leads part of the service, or leads the congregation in certain important prayers. The celebrant is also generally required to make a speech, which traditionally begins with the phrase "today I am a man."

My preparation for the celebration was to put on a suit and tie. I was required to stand in our basement in front of my guests (some family members, but mostly friends and neighbors) and light a bunch of candles on a makeshift box my father constructed. My mother read from a long letter she wrote, inviting specific people to join me in the lighting of the candles. It was a celebration, in my opinion, for my mother. A way for her to show her friends we were, in fact, Jewish.

I have no idea what parents typically give their children as presents at their Bar Mitzvah. I like to think that the gifts are steeped in tradition. During the gift giving portion of my celebration, friends and neighbors mostly gave me money with religious cards and thoughtful sentiment. I saved my parent’s gift for last because I was excited to see what they bought me. I was curious about the thought and effort they put into my present. Would it be a fancy Torah, pushing me in the proper direction of faith? Would it be a Bar Mitzvah Blessing, inspiring me to attain spiritual fulfillment, strengthening my resolve to understand the law, encouraging me to treat my fellow human being with justice and respect? There were two nicely wrapped presents in blue and white foil paper. When I opened the gifts, I realized at that moment that I would never understand what it truly meant to be a man in the eyes of the Jewish faith. My parent’s presents were meant to both mock me and bring a suitable entertainment to them. On my 13th birthday, from my mother and father, I received a jumbo sized jar of kosher pickles (because “he loves pickles so much”) and my very own 19-inch color TV with remote control.

Something every man needs.