IBS

I'm still pretty groggy from the anesthesia, and they say I won't remember much about the day. I've pretty tired, but I did get a nice turkey, ham and muenster cheese sandwich with avocado, tomato, and lettuce. Sandwiches are always better when they are made by someone else, and this one was no exception. I've also been told to be a "couch potato" today. No problem there.

The procedure went well. They had a difficult time sedating me (no reason why), so they had to give me something stronger than usual.

I am now in the same league as the following people: Presidents Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, actress Shannen Doherty, and Mike McCreedy from Pearl Jam. We are all now brothers in bowel.

The conclusion to the test was that I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) which is a disorder characterized most commonly by cramping, abdominal pain, bloating, constipation, and diarrhea. The doctor ordered a prescription for me, and basically said it would help get things under control. I guess the good news is my situation has a name and a possible plan of correction.

I can't help wondering how I can use IBS in my daily life. Maybe when I am in a long line at a movie theater. I can move to the head of the line by announcing my "disability." Or when I am selling software to large chain nursing homes, I can use me as an example on bowel movement activity (bowel movements are a big deal in nursing homes).

I can now be a hip 39 1/2 year old with the young crowd. There's LOL for Laugh Out Loud; there's ONFLMAO for On the Floor, Laughing My Ass Off. I can start a new trend. IBS has to mean something in the world of texts and tweets. Born again Christians may express IBS - I've Been Saved. Going to a BBQ and need to bring something? IBS - I'll Bring Sausages. Going to the OTB facility? Place an IBS - I'll Bet Sixty.

I'm a trend setting. Who's with me?