Defriended

I was defriended today. On Facebook. In a year of reconciliations and reunions, someone felt it necessary to delete me from their list. I am not sure why. This person is someone Cyndi has known all her life. I met her when I came into the family in 1995. She was seven at the time. Last week, the girl turned 21. We haven't seen her since my father's funeral. We hadn't seen her before that in several months. She's had a rough life.

Her mother died when she was six months old. I never knew her mother. Her father, unable to properly care for a child, left her in the hands of his aunt--her great aunt. The father would pop in and out of her life over the years, but he never remained a constant parental figure. I was told he had his own demons to battle.

She was always a very social child. She loved to play with our nieces and nephews (her "cousins" by marriage), and she remained rather close with my sister-in-law, Cyndi's sister, the girl's godmother, long after the marriage ended in divorce, and the ex-husband accidentally died after he suffered a drunken fall on some ice. I met her father twice because of death. Once when her grandmother died, and another time when the ex-husband died. The ex-husband was never my brother-in-law. The marriage ended as I came into the family. The girl was his niece, technically, and we adopted her as our own in voice, actions, and spirit. I don't think she ever felt comfortable calling us her aunt and uncle. Probably because we weren't.

I always had issues with her being raised by a 60 (and then 70) year old woman. It's tough enough being raised by people who are 20-30 years older than you, let alone twice that amount. As the girl got older, she wanted more freedom, yet because she was sheltered a lot most of her life, she didn't have the maturity to fully comprehend that freedom. And then the great-aunt and great-uncle did something I will never understand: they became snowbirds and moved the Florida. It was during her senior year in high school, and they felt it was time to spend the winter in warmer climate. She was sent to live with her father's father and father's brother in a townhouse down the street. While she loved her grandfather and uncle, they were not equipped to take in a teenager. She needed structure, she needed guidance, she needed parents.

We tried giving her advice. She even asked to go live with my sister-in-law, but by then, she had met who would become her second husband. He didn't have any kids.

As the winter months passed, we saw less and less of her. She'd stay out late, hang out with her friends, and do the things teenagers do. The updates we got on her were not directly from the source. We heard everything second hand. It was disappointing.

She graduated high school, attempted to get a job and go to community college, but none of that stuck. She moved out of whichever house she was living in, and in with a guy. I've never met him, but they've been together since before we last saw her.

Several months ago, I joined Facebook. I was planning a Loyola Reunion and one of the guys we wanted to invite was on the site. I had to join to make a connection. I don't do all of the things the site offers, but I like using it to stay connected with people. Facebook is how I learned about how this girl was doing. I found her on the site, and she accepted my friend request. We had not communicated directly with each other over these past few months, but I saw her updates she put on Facebook. This is how I knew she was still with the guy from two years ago, this is how I knew she was unemployed and not going to school, this is how I knew she had a couple of dogs, rode motorcycles, partied with her friends before and after her 21st birthday. It helped us feel connected to her.

I sent her an email on her birthday, sending out good cheer. Maybe she just read it today, and decided to end our Facebook friendship. Another theory could be that it was a mistake. I noticed that she was getting into a Facebook update sparring match with a guy who was obviously a friend of her boyfriend. The guy was pretty brutal. She had updated that she was going out to find a job and then hang out with her friends. The guy basically said it was about time she got a job so she could stop bleeding the boyfriend dry and sponging off of him. It got worse from there.

Her defriending me could be a mistake because the guy's name also started with a "C." Maybe she wanted to defriend him, but accidentally hit my name instead. Or maybe it was too much for her; being on Facebook and dealing with a guy's negative opinion of her. Maybe she just decided to quit the whole thing.

Either way, I'm not going to let it deter me. It's still a year of reunions and reconciliation. We've made a lot of headway in both regards with many people this year. Maybe she'll friend me again. Maybe someday she'll send me an email, or just call us out of the blue. Maybe she'll pack up her two dogs, get in the car, and drive over to say hello.

Maybe.