What I see

My brother sent me this picture yesterday. This is me at 16. From the time I was 14 through the time I was in my early 20's, many of the random photos taken included me in a similar pose. Bodybuilding was my thing. I was obsessed with it. I had subscriptions to Muscle & Fitness, and Flex and I was constantly reading books or talking with people about exercise and nutrition. I was careful about what I put into my body, abstaining from alcohol and drugs. I dreamed of being just like Arnold, and Lou, and Franco, and Lance, and Rich. I spent 3+ hours a day in the gym. I worked at the gym, and on my days off, I hung out at the gym. My friends were older, and worked out with me at the gym. I wanted to be one of those guys in the magazines. Whenever I looked in the mirror, I saw a scrawny kid; like the advertisement for Charles Atlas in the back of comic books (https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4CxFjhxqayOsjVK5oLJkepR-o0zC288rxvwWmF8LnqITBcYJGSamr6xRT9wT9Zxg0SWtQ_XAgys7Yh6y76LDCZy_bP26o9P2EGLMgK7DbM9b2SUBwli_rVNFKPzCN2CkmgjQbO1ltLn7l/s400/atlas+ad.jpg). So I cheated. I put illegal drugs in my body. I stole, I lied, I let everyone down, especially me.

I'm not remembering that, though, when I look at this picture. I look at it and smile. I see a young boy who looks happy. I see a thin waist, thick brown hair (yes, my hair was once brown), and tight skin. I see nasty wood panelling, popular at that time. I see an ugly couch, that was actually very comfortable. I see a television that required us to get up to change the channel. I see unusual looking curtains; I don't remember them at all.

I see a young boy with promise.