The first time I had sex I was 17 years-old, used the condom my father had given me when I turned 14 (the one I carried around in my black Velcro wallet that left a circular indentation from years without use), and the only thing I really remember was that she said my name just as I was about to finish.
In high school, I used to hang out with a group of guys I had known since grammar school. There were periods in our friendship where we drifted off in separate directions, but the closest time we shared was our junior year. There were seven of us in the group, and that year, Larry and I were tight. We both had our driver’s license and a car, and we each had a girlfriend. His girl’s name was Anne and mine was Stephanie. What made the relationships even more possible was that Anne and Stephanie were best friends. I would not say that Larry and I were “best” friends, given the fact that whenever he wasn’t around, the rest of us would make fun of him behind his back. We even had a rap song we made up that would provide loads of entertainment:
“Larry, da, da, da, da, da, Larry, da, da, da…
My name is Larry, I got big lips,
none of my girlfriends have any tits!
Larry, da, da, da, da, da, Larry, da, da, da…
Again, my name is Larry, I drive real fast,
I like to drive up people’s ass!
Larry, da, da, da, da, da, Larry, da, da, da…”
It was infantile and unnecessary, but we were in high school; a breading ground for the massive rotation of friendships and the peer pressure of being two-faced with your friends. In a silly way, it was expected of us. Larry and Anne had been going out for a few months when they decided it would be great if they could get Stephanie and me together. I knew who she was, but she wasn’t my type. She had long, thick red hair, pale skin and a flat body. I preferred blonds with at least some color to their skin who tended to be athletic and toned. She also wore too much cover up to hide her blemishes, but since I had never had a real girlfriend in high school, I agreed to go out with her. Our early courtship was unremarkable. We basically had fun because we never went out alone. Whenever we did go out on dates, it was always as a foursome. We were going out for a while when it was time for homecoming. I didn’t even have to ask if she would go with me, it was just expected. High school dances, I would learn, are a big deal for girls. She had to buy the perfect dress and to accomplish that task, she had to shop at at least two dozen stores. I, on the other hand, wore my father’s old black pinned striped suit. The only new thing I bought for the event was a thin, black tie that was popular in the 80’s and some flowers I bought for Stephanie at the grocery store on the way to pick her up. Larry told me that he and Anne were going to “do it” that night after the dance in the back seat of his parents’ station wagon and suggested I hint to Stephanie that we do the same. I wasn’t sure I liked Stephanie that much, let alone have the feelings for her to have sex, but considered the notion. The dance came and went without our consummating the relationship, but Larry and Anne did and the pressure for us to be next and just “get it over with” was too much for the both of us to handle so we buckled. We broke up a couple weeks later and my friendship with Larry and the group also ended. Years later, I learned that Stephanie lived in the same apartment complex that my roommate’s girlfriend lived in at college. She called me at home and asked me if I wanted to get together with her to reminisce about old times. I knew I had hurt her back then. I knew she would always remember me for being her first. I decided against the visit because I didn’t want to face the truth of knowing that I took something away from her that I couldn’t give back and that I shouldn’t have taken in the first place.
“Larry, da, da, da, da, da, Larry, da, da, da…
My name is Larry, I got big lips,
none of my girlfriends have any tits!
Larry, da, da, da, da, da, Larry, da, da, da…
Again, my name is Larry, I drive real fast,
I like to drive up people’s ass!
Larry, da, da, da, da, da, Larry, da, da, da…”
It was infantile and unnecessary, but we were in high school; a breading ground for the massive rotation of friendships and the peer pressure of being two-faced with your friends. In a silly way, it was expected of us. Larry and Anne had been going out for a few months when they decided it would be great if they could get Stephanie and me together. I knew who she was, but she wasn’t my type. She had long, thick red hair, pale skin and a flat body. I preferred blonds with at least some color to their skin who tended to be athletic and toned. She also wore too much cover up to hide her blemishes, but since I had never had a real girlfriend in high school, I agreed to go out with her. Our early courtship was unremarkable. We basically had fun because we never went out alone. Whenever we did go out on dates, it was always as a foursome. We were going out for a while when it was time for homecoming. I didn’t even have to ask if she would go with me, it was just expected. High school dances, I would learn, are a big deal for girls. She had to buy the perfect dress and to accomplish that task, she had to shop at at least two dozen stores. I, on the other hand, wore my father’s old black pinned striped suit. The only new thing I bought for the event was a thin, black tie that was popular in the 80’s and some flowers I bought for Stephanie at the grocery store on the way to pick her up. Larry told me that he and Anne were going to “do it” that night after the dance in the back seat of his parents’ station wagon and suggested I hint to Stephanie that we do the same. I wasn’t sure I liked Stephanie that much, let alone have the feelings for her to have sex, but considered the notion. The dance came and went without our consummating the relationship, but Larry and Anne did and the pressure for us to be next and just “get it over with” was too much for the both of us to handle so we buckled. We broke up a couple weeks later and my friendship with Larry and the group also ended. Years later, I learned that Stephanie lived in the same apartment complex that my roommate’s girlfriend lived in at college. She called me at home and asked me if I wanted to get together with her to reminisce about old times. I knew I had hurt her back then. I knew she would always remember me for being her first. I decided against the visit because I didn’t want to face the truth of knowing that I took something away from her that I couldn’t give back and that I shouldn’t have taken in the first place.
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